If you’re married, you have no money
While in some cases that may literally be true, I mean it metaphorically. A married person - man or woman, has no money. That is, if they want to have a successful, happy marriage. All newlyweds take heed - when you marry, it is no longer “Mine” or “hers” or “his”. Everything, every single dime you own or make, is “ours”. In 99% of cases, this is the only possible way to have a financially healthy marriage.
Separate bank accounts, splitting the bills, keeping “my” money separate…. these things don’t work. Yes, I’m sure I’ll get a comment or two from someone who does things this way successfully. But understand that you are not the norm. For nearly everyone, a joint accounts are the best choice. If you split things up, chances are very good that there will be resentment. The partner who makes more will want to keep more of “their money”. The partner who makes less will certainly not be a a happy camper.
When I talk about “my money” here on Llama Money, I always mean “our money”. I’m happily married, and every cent that “I” have, belongs to my wife and I. We have no separate assets, no separate bank accounts, no separate brokerage accounts. I often say I, my, or mine just for the sake of simplicity. As a married couple, you must be on the same page financially. If you aren’t there’s sure to be trouble, and maybe even divorce in your future.
Popularity: 21% [?]
April 2nd, 2008 at 6:37 am
I agree with you totally here. So many couples seem to have trouble with money, it makes sense to pool all of the money. I am lucky though, that my husband is happy to let me take control of all of the finances and he is almost as frugal as me. We have had disagreements about money as I always want to save as much as we can and he likes to have a bit to spend but he has never regretted us having savings but has sometimes regretted purchases that he has made.
April 2nd, 2008 at 7:24 am
Where are you getting your stats from? n 99% of cases it is the only way…, “you are not the norm,” etc.. Sounds like you’ve found something that works for you, which is fine, and that you want to share it, which is great. But without any data to back it up, your recommendation that other people should do the same as you or risk resentment and financial strife in their marriage… well, it’s impossible for me to take it as a credible argument, and it sounds very judgmental.
For what it’s worth, I’d say the number of people I know who use a 100% Ours system, versus a Yours-Mine-Ours or Yours-Mine system is split pretty equally. Since those people all have different temperments and relationships, they’ve all done something different to find something that works for them. They all work for the right people, and they all fail for the wrong people. Shiner and I don’t know excatly what we’ll do yet (we’ve decided on some sort of Yours-Mine-Ours system for sure, but the specifics aren’t clear yet). I’m pretty sure our rejection of a totally shared system is not going to be our marital downfall.
April 2nd, 2008 at 8:33 am
Surely there is no study on this topic - at least nothing substantial….. so no hard data or study to back anything up. In my personal experience, I’ve seen many, many marriages fail. Even more are in the process of failing as I write this. And I can safely attribute most of those failings to matters of money. “He” was hiding money. “She” spent her whole paycheck on shoes. “He” bought a plasma TV without talking to “her”. Etc etc.
A married couple has to be in the same boat when it comes to money. If there’s a lot of “mine” going around, the days are numbered. For your friends who are getting along happily using the “wrong” system, congratulations to them. I hope things continue to work out. But if you’re looking for the best odds of keeping money from dividing your marriage, stick with “ours”.
April 2nd, 2008 at 8:58 am
Rachel,
It sounds like you have a great system setup. Kudos on being the saver in the household. And like you said - sometimes your husband regrets splurging, but never regrets having money in the bank.
April 2nd, 2008 at 10:26 am
Not only is the money ours, so is the debt! Right now my wife and I have a lot of different accounts. We know this is not the most efficient or logical thing to do.
We are not moving to one joint account yet that we both have been very disciplined about getting rid of our debt. We have our individual debt reduction plans and they are both working. Once we are out of debt, we will probably move to one joint checking and one joint savings. The think the key is to have a system where both people are happy and to communicate with each other.
April 2nd, 2008 at 4:37 pm
Indeed, the debt is shared as well. Hidden debt is even worse than hidden money!
April 2nd, 2008 at 6:36 pm
Legally it’s all everybody’s anyway. Except maybe some pre-marital debt.
Micah likes to think of the debt as his (he feels guilty about it), but I like to think of it as ours. He’s at least bought into my argument that the car debt has to be both of ours since I use the car too.
My mom does keep a separate account for her part-time teaching paycheck, mostly so she can easily keep track of the money. She gives over 50% of it to charity and the rest she saves up to buy gifts for people or my dad. Of course, she could do it in a regular account, but she thinks it’s easier to snowflake that way. I think my dad has access to the account in case something happens, I just don’t think he uses that access.
April 4th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
Micah will come around, don’t worry. At least he is concerned about the debt - too many people aren’t.
April 20th, 2008 at 10:04 am
I think it will be better if it can be always our money but I am not sure this will work every time. (^_^).
April 22nd, 2008 at 6:19 pm
I’m going to put myself in the “not the norm” group. We still keep accounts relatively separate. We have a little shared money, but mostly just enough to pay the bills.
I have to admit that it’s more about Laziness to go through the effort to combine a pile of accounts than anything else. There’s no value for the work at this point in our lives.
April 23rd, 2008 at 2:14 pm
You’re pretty recently married though, aren’t you Lazy Man? I’d bet that within a year or two you’ll have just about everything consolidated. Sure it’s a bit of work, but it will end up making your joint finances even lazier than having them separate.